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Personally I think you did a great job on this chapter, the only thing you could work on is some of the wording such as:

1. "Cana... et behi"
That line I had trouble understanding what the character was trying to say. My guess is he said "Canada look behind you"? I guess that would make sense except for the et in the middle that confused me although there is always the chance I just read it wrong.

2. Basically the way the last sentence was worded. I think it was the "though" in the sentence that threw me off.

Except for those two things everything else looks good to me. Also just to let you know this is my first time critiquing something on deviant art so the rating I did might not fit perfectly with the guidelines for rating on the Critique FAQ which I tried to use as a reference for rating. Anyway thats all! ^_^
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.


AOnceToldStory Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012   Writer
Thank you so very much for writing this, it means a lot to me :D! I checked the things you mentioned and my only excuse for these mistakes is that English is not my native tongue, so of course I still have much to learn. Thanks to this critique I now know a little bit more :D. I'll correct the last sentence immediately and explain the first one.

It is supposed to be Russia telling Canada to "get behind me", and I agree with you that I made it a little too unclear. I thought that sentence fit since, when China and England enter, Russia is standing in front of Canada. Anyway, I'll figure out a way to make this sentence clearer! :D

Thank you again! :love:
CupcakeGirl811 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
You're welcome I'm glad it helped. :)
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